Furious at myself

I'm so struggling with anger today. I didn't pay a bill and a utility got shut off. How could I have let that happen. It wasn't that I didn't have the money. I'm so frustrated with myself and angry with myself. This anger turns to self-destruction. Why do I do that? I ate sugar junk like crazy. Three ice cream sandwiches yesterday and three today, along with an overload cake each day and I want more. Inside it's like everything within me is screaming "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!" I want to hit myself on my head over and over. Ugh. It's so frustrating not only to do something ignorant like not paying a bill, but frustrating that I have to be perfect and so I'm beating myself over being human. Then, I think there is no excuse for not paying the bill! Why didn't I pay it! How did I miss that one! All the others are fine. What is my problem? I'm stupid. Get out the invisible bat and whack myself in the head. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I have to be perfect? Why do I hate myself when I do something human? Then I think this isn't "human" this is stupidity.

I'm going to bed. Grrr.