I have diabetes

The big D. Diabetes. I can't begin to tell you how much I detest having diabetes. I'm a sweet-freak. Diabetes has shot a huge hole in my life. I've used sweets for many years ... since I was a little girl to help me through rough times. I've had some serious rough times. Consequently, I've had my share of sweets to relieve the stress. Now, diabetes is taking away... rather, has taken away my stress reliever. Oh, I know. Exercise is a great stress reliever. Whatever. That's skinny-people's stress reliever. Yep, I'm also a non-skinny person. Actually, morbidly, discustingly, horrifically obese is what I am. So, get off my fat behind and exercise. Make it my new stress reliever. Yeah, what if I don't want to. I want to eat. I'm being true. I don't want to exercise. There's also the other thing... I'm clinically depressed. On medication for it, which I haven't taken in weeks. So, I'm REALLY depressed and VERY cranky. Almost to the point of not liking myself. So, take your medicine you say. I don't want to do that either. Gosh, I'm ornery. I don't want to do anything other than lay on the floor and throw a temper tantrum! Not fair, not fair, not fair.

So, back to diabetes. Yes, I can have some sweets... 1 tsp of sugar a day. If my blood sugar is under control. Guess what? Not under control. I feel like all of my life is out of control. Something that folks may not know about diabetes is that if your suger is high, your mind is foggy. I hate that. My mind used to be clear. I used to be smart. Now, I feel like a bumbling idiot. It's hard to figure out food on the "diabetic diet". And "diet" is not the right term. It truly is a lifestyle change. White anything is a bad thing. White bread, white sugar, white buns, white rice, etc., etc., etc. This isn't so hard because I don't really like white stuff, except that I have a tendency not to cook and so I get food from whatever food joint is on the way home. I'm determined to learn to cook. I've bought diabetic cookbooks. Everything looks wonderful. I'm just scared to try. This is embarrassing, but I literally have poisoned myself in the past. Pretty sad.

Maybe tomorrow night I'll go grocery shopping.